On the road of infertility, some days are easy and some are hard. I know I have only been struggling with this for 13 months and many people endure months and years longer trying to conceive and facing difficult fertility decisions, but this has definitely been one of the hardest years of my life. All I can do is pray and hope that we will overcome this struggle sooner rather than later. Unfortunately we found out that my coverage on Andy's insurance doesn't start until January...so we have a couple more months until we can begin fertility treatments.
As many of you know I haven't had a period since last October that wasn't induced by medication (which has been our reason for not getting pregnant). I tried 2 different oral medication prescriptions to make me ovulate, but neither of those worked, which means we have to move onto injectible medications, which will be 80% covered on Andy's insurance and is very expensive, so that is why we are waiting to start that.
I am actually kind of relieved that we are waiting until January, this is a HUGE step and I'm not sure if I'm ready to get this far into fertility treatments. One of the huge downfalls that may happen with injectible medications and our situation, is the high chance of multiples (twins or triplets)...I'm just not sure how my body would handle this stress and it really makes me wonder if we should go through with these treatments.
It's been a tough day today and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my infertility troubles and my life. I just had to get some of it out of me, so I thought I'd write a blog. Thanks to all of you reading and all my friends for your support in these difficult times for us. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that God will lead us to make the right decisions with treatment for our lives.
I will end this with a poem I found that explains another woman's perspective on infertility:
19 hours ago
5 comments:
Motherhood can be such a strong desire to have oppressed by infertility. I am sorry that you have to face this issue that I wish no woman had to deal with. I know that trying for 5 months with Alexis was hard waiting, seeing others getting pregnant left and right. A year must be heartbreaking. I will remember to pray for you and your desire to have a child of your own. Often when God will not give us the desire of our heart because He has a greater blessing in store. He can use your hurts to bless others no matter the circumstances.
Oh Suze! I'm so sorry. I wish I had a magic wand, and could fix things magically. I will continue to pray for you and Andy. I am so sorry girl.
I've been sitting here staring at this screen trying to type and I just dont know what to say... I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You, of all people too. There are so many women out there that shouldnt be moms and here you are, well established, happily married and anxiously awaiting a baby to complete your circle. My heart hurts for you... Know that I pray for you every night Suzie. Please rest in peace knowing that God is ultimately in control and he does have a plan for you. (I know, easier said than done huh? :)
::sending all my extra baby dust your way::
Love you :)
PS- Jacob LOVES the Cars stickers you got him...and the flatware too, he's eaten off of them for all his meals today :)
Good luck with the fertility treatments in January if you decide to do it. It's funny how a woman's body can go through so much when you don't think you have an ounce of energy in you. I'm not sure what your problems are but I've heard that if you loose a lot of weight your periods can stop and prevent you from getting pregnant. I had a friend that had that problem. If you do treatments and you do get twins, your body will adjust to provide for the babies. And think...if you didn't want more than 2 kids you wouldn't have to do treatment ever again! :) Good luck!!!
Suzie, you are an extraordinarily strong woman! I know you will be blessed with a beautiful family in due time. I hope that these next few months will bring you to a clear decision about the fertility treatments. I know that you have wonderfully supportive friends and family, but I will always be there for you in any way you need :) Don't despair. I love you!
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