It's the most wonderful time of the year!!

Well the Holiday Season is officially here! I love this time of year...even though all the stores are crowded I love holiday shopping and all the decorations :) I got most of our decorations up today, we just have to go get a tree, hopefully this week!

Thanksgiving came and went on Thursday. We had a good time up in Shoreline at my Aunt and Uncle's house with my dad's whole side of the family. All of us cousins were there, which was nice since that generally only happens once a year on Christmas Eve. We had a lot of delicious food of course and good company. After dinner Andy and I headed back South since I had to work at 2 am Friday morning. On the way home we stopped at my Step-grandparents house to say hello, then headed home so I could try to get some sleep.

The rest of the weekend was mostly un-eventful, just work and sleep with a bit of Christmas shopping and decorating thrown in there! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and remembered to celebrate your blessings and remember what you are thankful for.

Here's a few of the things I am thankful for this year:

1. Andy and both have steady jobs in an unstable economy!

2. We are able to keep on top of our bills and not get into debt

3. My relationship with Andy and how understanding he is of me

4. God's grace and forgiveness

5. The love of my family and friends

6. The resources to help others this holiday season

7. My crazy dog

8. My doctor that's helped me get to the root of some of my problems

9. The good health of most of my family

10. Pumpkin Spice and Egg Nog Lattes from Starbucks :) yumm...

Fun times

I figured it was time to post a new blog..or at least something more upbeat! Not much has changed the past couple weeks. Just plugging along trying to get used to my new schedule at work (which I'm pretty sure is impossible) and trying to find time for a social life! Which is pretty hard to do as well. Although I feel like I've been doing pretty good at that the past couple of weeks. I've learned that it's a lot easier for me to stay positive and not feel sorry for myself when I'm out doing stuff and hanging out with friends.

On Monday I finally met up with my friend Amanda to catch up, as it had been WAY too long! It was a nice day so we went up to Bradley Lake Park and walked and talked for a couple laps :) Tuesday night Andy and I went over to Keren and Steves where we had some tasty enchiladas I made and had a fun time playing with the little ones and then playing Phase 10 when they went to sleep. As usual we had a blast and agreed that we definitely need to try to get together more often. Yesterday I spent most of the day out in the yard raking up the endless amount of leaves in our back yard..ugh...wasn't my favorite way to spend my day off, but it has to be done! Then I picked Andy up at the train station and we went over to Brad and Katie's house for some pizza and more games. This time we played Man Laws/Women's Rules and Apples to Apples. We had a lot of fun hanging out with them also!

Overall I've had a good 'weekend' so far. It was nice to actually have plans, that way I felt motivated to get some other stuff done around here..now the house is clean and the yard is partially done! My goal today was to finish the yard, so hopefully the rain stops soon so I can do that, but that's unlikely..oh well, I guess I'll need to find another way to spend my day..hmm...I really need some hobbies!!

Infertility Hurts...

On the road of infertility, some days are easy and some are hard. I know I have only been struggling with this for 13 months and many people endure months and years longer trying to conceive and facing difficult fertility decisions, but this has definitely been one of the hardest years of my life. All I can do is pray and hope that we will overcome this struggle sooner rather than later. Unfortunately we found out that my coverage on Andy's insurance doesn't start until January...so we have a couple more months until we can begin fertility treatments.

As many of you know I haven't had a period since last October that wasn't induced by medication (which has been our reason for not getting pregnant). I tried 2 different oral medication prescriptions to make me ovulate, but neither of those worked, which means we have to move onto injectible medications, which will be 80% covered on Andy's insurance and is very expensive, so that is why we are waiting to start that.

I am actually kind of relieved that we are waiting until January, this is a HUGE step and I'm not sure if I'm ready to get this far into fertility treatments. One of the huge downfalls that may happen with injectible medications and our situation, is the high chance of multiples (twins or triplets)...I'm just not sure how my body would handle this stress and it really makes me wonder if we should go through with these treatments.


It's been a tough day today and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my infertility troubles and my life. I just had to get some of it out of me, so I thought I'd write a blog. Thanks to all of you reading and all my friends for your support in these difficult times for us. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that God will lead us to make the right decisions with treatment for our lives.

I will end this with a poem I found that explains another woman's perspective on infertility:

God answers so many of my little prayers,so why not the big ones too?

I just can't understand it

Why does He do the things he decides to do?

My deepest desire lies unfullfilled

I feel so hopeless insideI know I should be thankful

and not so full of pride.

I ask God every dayfor this or that, you know, little things.

And when He answers so clearly my heart just really sings.

But in those deep, pondering moments

When I ask for the desire of my heart,I get no clear answerand then my tears start,

Oh God, I want a baby to hold and kiss and love

I know that You alone can give methat blessing from above.

I keep waiting, waiting, waiting and my patience grows to despair.

Oh why can't I have a baby? For nothing else I truly care.

I know You haven't forgotten me for better things to

because You answer all my little prayers,

I just wish You'd fulfill my big one, too.

By Stephanie Marottek9/25/01