Infertility Hurts...

On the road of infertility, some days are easy and some are hard. I know I have only been struggling with this for 13 months and many people endure months and years longer trying to conceive and facing difficult fertility decisions, but this has definitely been one of the hardest years of my life. All I can do is pray and hope that we will overcome this struggle sooner rather than later. Unfortunately we found out that my coverage on Andy's insurance doesn't start until January...so we have a couple more months until we can begin fertility treatments.

As many of you know I haven't had a period since last October that wasn't induced by medication (which has been our reason for not getting pregnant). I tried 2 different oral medication prescriptions to make me ovulate, but neither of those worked, which means we have to move onto injectible medications, which will be 80% covered on Andy's insurance and is very expensive, so that is why we are waiting to start that.

I am actually kind of relieved that we are waiting until January, this is a HUGE step and I'm not sure if I'm ready to get this far into fertility treatments. One of the huge downfalls that may happen with injectible medications and our situation, is the high chance of multiples (twins or triplets)...I'm just not sure how my body would handle this stress and it really makes me wonder if we should go through with these treatments.


It's been a tough day today and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my infertility troubles and my life. I just had to get some of it out of me, so I thought I'd write a blog. Thanks to all of you reading and all my friends for your support in these difficult times for us. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that God will lead us to make the right decisions with treatment for our lives.

I will end this with a poem I found that explains another woman's perspective on infertility:

God answers so many of my little prayers,so why not the big ones too?

I just can't understand it

Why does He do the things he decides to do?

My deepest desire lies unfullfilled

I feel so hopeless insideI know I should be thankful

and not so full of pride.

I ask God every dayfor this or that, you know, little things.

And when He answers so clearly my heart just really sings.

But in those deep, pondering moments

When I ask for the desire of my heart,I get no clear answerand then my tears start,

Oh God, I want a baby to hold and kiss and love

I know that You alone can give methat blessing from above.

I keep waiting, waiting, waiting and my patience grows to despair.

Oh why can't I have a baby? For nothing else I truly care.

I know You haven't forgotten me for better things to

because You answer all my little prayers,

I just wish You'd fulfill my big one, too.

By Stephanie Marottek9/25/01

My celebrity Look-alikes

So...I'm not feeling good and haven't been able to sleep since about 2:3o a.m....so here I am online attempting to waste time..

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Vintage pictures - Descendants

I'm officially done with training!!

Last Thursday and Friday I finally had my Phase IV for fire dispatch training. Which means I had a different trainer sit with me and evaluate my performance and make sure I am ready to be on my own. I passed with flying colors and was released with about 4 hours of my shift left. So I sat "Fire 1" for four hours on my own...which actually got somewhat busy. I then had Saturday off and started my new shift Sunday morning at 2 am. Unfortunately I had a rough start to this shift when my alarm didn't go off...Andy woke up at 1:50 and I hopped out of bed, threw on my clothes and was out the door! Unfortunately I was still about 15 minutes late..but not too bad considering when I woke up!

After work I went to bed for a couple hours to try to re-energize for our Halloween Party that night. I woke up around 4 and Andy and I got all dressed up to go out! :) Our costumes turned out great! He was the Tinman and I was Dorothy. We went over to my friend Tara's house and had a good time with a group of co-workers singing Karaoke, playing Beer Pong and just hanging out! And everyone had some pretty good costumes as well!!

Monday and Tuesday I spent over at Brad and Katie's babysitting their girls and hanging out with Katie. Monday I decided to get some cookie dough and cookie cutters and we made Halloween cookies, I think they had a lot of fun doing something different (and eating the cookie dough!) Andy went with me Monday as well and he had a lot of fun with the kids too..plus they love it when he's there with me!

Now it's off to 'enjoy' the rest of my 'weekend' by working out, cleaning and running errands..I guess I better quit procrastinating and get started! Until next time...enjoy some pics!!